Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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