K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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