ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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