Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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