man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
