life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
