he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
