I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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