I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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