I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
