it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
