when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
