My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
its liver damage thursday
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
