i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
