THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
