it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
