my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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