your thong is hanging out like whoa
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
