I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
