he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was like eating out sand paper
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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