He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
