i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
