I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I touched a dick in church today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
