ttyl tear gas
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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