just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
