You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
