He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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