I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I need a burrito and a hug.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
