Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
