I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
