I hope mine doesn't look like that
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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