Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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