I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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