Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
