He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
