Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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