Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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