Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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