his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
