Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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