Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
