your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
