Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Define "chronic" masturbator.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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