She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
