Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I pour the whiskey from now on
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
