I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
