he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
