I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
