Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula

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(913): View more from Kansas

the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job

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(315): View more from New York

We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."

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(917): View more from New York City

she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in

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(586): View more from Michigan

If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.

Fav 26 4663 1425
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.

Fav 0 18 150
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