my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've blown a few things in my day
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
