Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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